


Different Ways to Say Goodbye

by sillylourry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 08:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sillylourry/pseuds/sillylourry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is diagnosed with cancer and Louis doesn’t want him to feel alone</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different Ways to Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a really long time ago but thought I should post it. Hope you like it! :)

Harry told Louis that he was diagnosed with cancer on a chilly night in early December. Louis remembers because before Harry had spoken, Louis was complaining about having to turn 18. Harry asked if he could throw Louis a party. Louis said no. Harry responded by saying that he didn’t know how many of Louis’ birthdays he’d get to experience, and he wanted to make each one count.

“What are you talking about, Harry?” Louis chuckled, punching Harry’s arm lightly. That’s when Harry told him.

Louis didn’t cry. He couldn’t. Not yet. There was plenty of time to cry; plenty of years and months and weeks and days where he could sit in his room for hours on end and cry until he couldn’t possibly cry anymore. Harry didn’t have that kind of time.

“What kind of cancer is it?” He asked, his voice shaking.

Harry didn’t reply.

“Can it be cured?”

Again, Harry didn’t reply.

~

Harry told Louis to stop treating him like a child on a sunny afternoon in late June. Louis remembers because before Harry had complained, Louis was instructing him to put on more sunscreen.

“I don’t want you to die because you didn’t do something as simple as putting on sunscreen.” Louis stated, handing Harry a sunscreen bottle.

“Why does it matter? I’m going to die anyway.”

Louis lowered his eyes. “And that’s why I’m trying to keep you alive for as long as I possibly can.”

Harry nodded and opened the lid of the bottle. He gave Louis a weak smile and poured some of the goop into his hands. 

~

Harry told Louis he loved him on a warm evening in mid-September. Louis remembers because it was one of the greatest moments of his life, and not something he’d easily forget.

After a nice day of picnicking in the park, Louis and Harry decided the perfect way to end a nice day, was to lie on their picnic blanket and look at the stars.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Harry asked. Louis rolled onto his side to face Harry. 

“Happy.” He answered. Harry laughed and punched Louis’ arm.

“Don’t be stupid.” He said. Louis sighed and rolled back onto his back.

“Fine, fine. I was trying to be all romantic and deep but whatever.” He thought for a few more seconds. “I guess I want to be a singer.” He finally said. “After I graduate high school, I think I’m going to audition for the XFactor.” Harry smiled.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He whispered. Louis moved his hand closer to Harry’s, and let their fingers brush up against each other.

“You better.”

For a while, neither boy said anything. Louis thought Harry had fallen asleep when he heard him mumble.

“I love you, you know?” It was so quiet that a part of Louis thought he’d imagined it, but then Harry spoke again. “There’s nothing I’d rather do more, than spend every moment by your side.”

And for the second time, Louis held back tears, because he had time to cry. “I’ll be with you until the very end Harry, I promise.”

Harry nodded and wrapped himself around Louis. “The very end.” He repeated.

And that was the first time Louis cried, because he knew the very end wasn’t very far away.

~

Harry told Louis that he was scared on a freezing morning sometime in November. Louis doesn’t remember because at that point, the days were blurred into one another. It’s a miracle he even knows it was November.

“I don’t want to die.” He mumbled. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s frail shoulders. “I feel so alone. I feel like everybody gets to live life without any worry. And I know that mine is going to end in a matter of days. I wake up every morning, scared of what the day holds.”

“Don’t be scared Harry, it will be ok.” Louis replied. He unwrapped his arms and sat next to Harry on the couch.

“Of course you can say that. You’re not gonna die. You’re going to live a happy long life. You’re going to get married, and have kids. You’ll get to watch them fall in love, and be heartbroken. You’ll be there when they finally find the right person. You’re gonna die in a warm bed surrounded by grandchildren. I’ll die in a hospital room surrounded by doctors.” He stopped talking and let a few tears fall onto his cheeks.

Louis lifted his hand up and whipped them away. “Or,” he said. “I could get in a car accident and die tomorrow.”

Harry blinked a few times, until his tears stopped. “Don’t say that.”

“Or,” Louis continued. “I could be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and get shot in the head. Oooor my toe could get cut up in the middle of the ocean and a shark could eat me.”

“That’s probably not gonna happen.” Harry assured him.

“Yeah but it could.” Louis countered. “We’re all going to die, Haz. And we’re all scared. Never feel like you’re alone. Okay?”

“Okay.”

~

Harry told Louis goodbye on a chilly night in early December. Louis remembers because that was the day he had to watch the life slip away from the person he loved the most.

“I love you.” Harry whispered.

“Is this you saying goodbye?” Louis asked. Harry closed his eyes.

“No, that was me telling you that I loved you.” Louis smiled and reached for Harry’s hand.

“The feeling is mutual.” He said. “I mean, I love you too.”

“I’m not very good at goodbyes.” Harry mumbled. Louis nodded.

“Then don’t say goodbye? Maybe say something like, ‘See you later’ or ‘Catch ya on the flip side’?”

“Ta ta for now?” Harry chuckled quietly.

Louis looked down at Harry’s hands. “Or maybe just say ‘This isn’t a goodbye’?”

“This isn’t a goodbye.” Harry repeated.

They were quiet for a few moments before Louis asked, “Is this your bad way of saying goodbye?”

“Yes.” Harry admitted. “Goodbye.” He added.

~

Louis told Harry that he’d always love him on a peaceful morning in early February.

“I know these are a terrible color, but they were the fanciest flowers they had.” Louis said, putting the bouquet down on the grass in front of Harry’s grave. “You were wrong you know. “ He whispered. “You didn’t die in a hospital bed surrounded by doctors. You were with me. I promised that I’d stay with you until the very end. “ He stopped talking. “I’ll always love you.” He bit down on his lip, trying to keep himself from crying. “Happy birthday.”

Now he could cry. And he did.


End file.
